"No Act of God Could Pull Me Away From You."

I truly believe that God speaks to us in the most unique ways.....Today, I was shopping with a friend at Kohl's for a dress that her 5 year old needed for a wedding. As we approached the check out line, which seemed to be a long wait, I had time to glance at my surroundings. Off to my right was a display of children's books by Nancy Tillman. The first one that caught my eye was "On the Night You Were Born." "Oh how perfect!" I thought to myself. I really needed to pick up a gift for my friend, Kristy who just had a baby last week and that seemed like such a sweet title. So, I reached down and grabbed two.... TWO...wait why two???? I will be totally honest, my hands are shaking right now. Yes, I grabbed two books because my first instinct was that I needed this book too. Now, I don't like to get emotional in front of my friends, especially when we are having a "Girls Day" ,so I did not let on to my feelings ,and I carefully placed one of the books back. Oddly enough though, instead of checking out with her, my hand went directly to another book titled, "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You." This was MY book. The reaction to fall apart subsided, and I was able to proceed with my purchases. These two books were in fact all I purchased on my shopping trip today. I felt totally fulfilled.
Tomorrow is October 1, 2011. Tomorrow would have been my official due date. I know that most babies are not born on their exact due date, especially twins, however there is still something in the pit of my gut that aches when I think about this date. I know that what I purchased today was simply a children's book, but the first page of this book read, "I wanted you more than you will ever know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go. " It gives me peace knowing that even though I can't hold my boys or that they didn't make it even close to their due date, nothing will come between the love a mother feels for her children; not even death. I feel this to be true between God and His children as well. I felt His love for me today.

Happy Birthday to My Wonderful Grandmother. I truly don't know where I would be without you in my life. You are such an amazing example of a loving wife, caring mother, and most importantly, woman of faith. I could never fill you shoes. Thank you for showing me throughout my life the true meaning of unconditional love. I love you G-mama!!

"God remains with us in these dark places and valleys, even when we feel out of control,lost,and angry." Robert J. Miller

"Not that I have already obtained this, or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own." Philippians 3:12


So, I write today with a heavy heart. I feel as though I am able to share this because I find strength in numbers ,and I know that I have many prayer warriors that stop by my blog to lend us support . You all mean the world to my family.

I knew this time would come at some point.....I would be triumphing through this hardship amazed by my strength, going through my days with minimal tears and an occasional break down by myself, after putting the kids to bed or while driving down the road. Today, however, I crashed....

Last night, my grandmother, who is the absolute love of my life, was taken to the ER for chest pains. To give a little history, she suffered a stroke and heart attack two years ago, which resulted in a triple bypass surgery. She is my last living grandparent and has always been an amazing mentor to me. So, my sister and I are sitting in her room as the nurse is asking her routine questions, and she comes to a question about stress. "Have you undergone any stress lately?" My grandmother who usually is unscathed , replied, "Well, I have been upset lately because we lost our babies." "My granddaughter over there lost her twins."

Now, I know that she didn't stress herself into a heart attack on account of my babies, but I had no idea how much losing the twins had hurt her too. It took all I had not to lost it right there in the hospital room. God has been good to me with providing me with strength during difficult situations lately, and I think my cup has run over....and it's okay.

It's okay not to be strong everyday. I took my kids to school today and I took myself back to bed.
I woke up and tried to reflect on other people in the world who are going through difficult times and thought to myself that we all share the common bond of going through hardships in order to reach the ultimate goal.

Thank you, dear friends, for once again listening to me and allowing me to ask for your prayers. Thank you for letting me share my story and for supporting my family. I am not perfect by any means, I am just a person trying to deal with a life changing loss. That's all.

Thank you God for giving us these children, even if for a limited time. Their life has made such a difference in my own life.


"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5: 18

This Saturday we spent the day at Steed's Dairy Farm! The weather was perfect and the kids had a great time playing in the corn, petting all the farm animals , and going on a hay ride just to name a few! What a great way to kick off the fall season!!

Gooble Gooble!!

Bryce and Spiderman!!

going down the zipline!!!

WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Michael lovin on his baby niece :)) ...this just tugs on my heart

Goof ball!!

Mooooooo!!!!!

Enjoying the Hay Ride :)

Love Him!!!

Thank God for Country Boys...and Girls!!!

Gracie and Miss Maggie

To Honor My Friends....you know who you are:)

Who would we be without our friends?? I have some dear friends that I have known since I was a young child . These friends are the ones who played on the swings with you in Elementary School and Red Rover at your birthday parties. If you were lucky, this friend might even live across the street from you. You might watch this friend move in during the first grade and leave for college.....all to come home and have you stand with them as they are married. yOu know who you are.....

Then there are the Middle and High School Buddies....These are the friends that watched you evolve from the shy and awkward lanky gal to the fun-loving teenager! These friends pretty much know all your secrets and still stuck around through the good and the bad. You learned about life with these friends, got into some trouble, and had the best times of your life with these friends. From learning to drive , attending prom, and calling the girls to tell them about your first kiss, these friends always found a way to share in your excitement and cry with you when things didn't go your way. These people are what I consider "Lifers" .You might even get lucky and get to live with some of these friends during the college years and form bonds that could never be broken....you know who you are....

Finally, there are the friendships that are developed throughout adulthood. These friends are those that come either through work, church, or just through random meetings. These friends are the ones who stick around after you tell them all about what you have experienced in the past. These friends have uncanny similarities to you and you constantly ask yourself why it feels as though you have known them forever. YOu know who you are.....

Although I have come across some amazing people whom I am so privileged to call my friends during different times in my life, there is one thing that is definitely true for all of them. God put them in my life for a reason. Each of my dear friends have beautiful qualities about them, and I can't even begin to express my thankfulness for each and everyone of you. YOu all know who you are and my life is better because you are in it. All of my friends mentioned have been by my side for the last several months and it brings tears to my eyes when I think about how incredibly blessed I am to have so many friends that I have met during my walk through life.I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!

A Few fun times with friends over the years :)

To Honor My Friends....you know who you are:)

What would we be without our friends?? I have some dear friends that have me known me since I was a young child who I still keep in contact with. These friends are the ones who played on the swings with you in Elementary School and Red Rover at your birthday parties. If you were lucky, this friend might even live across the street from you. You might watch this friend move in during the first grade and leave for college.....all to come home and have you stand with them as they are married. yOu know who you are.....

Then there are the Middle and High School Buddies....These are the friends that watched you evolve from the shy and awkward lanky gal to the fun-loving teenager! These friends pretty much know all your secrets and still stuck around through the good and the bad. You learned about life with these friends, got into some trouble, and had the best times of your life with these friends. From learning to drive , attending prom, and calling the girls to tell them about your first kiss, these friends always found a way to share in your excitement and cry with you when things didn't go your way. These people are what I consider "Lifers" .
You might even get lucky and get to live with some of these friends during the college years and form bonds that could never be broken....you know who you are....

Finally, there are the friendships that are developed throughout adulthood. These friends are those that come either through work, church, or just through random meetings. These friends are the ones who stick around after you tell them all about what you have experienced in the past. These friends have uncanny similarities to you and you constantly ask yourself why it feels as though you have known them forever. YOu know who you are.....

Although I have come across some amazing people whom I am so privileged to call my friends during different times in my life, there is one thing that is definitely true for all of them. God put them in my life for a reason. Each of my dear friends have beautiful qualities about them, and I can't even begin to express my thankfulness for each and everyone of you. YOu all know who you are and my life is better because you are in it. All of my friends mentioned have been by my side for that last several months and it brings tears to my eyes when I think about how incredibly blessed I am to have so many friends that I have met during my walk through life.


I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!

Ok, I can do this.....

Today seemed like the first day of Fall. The weather was absolutely beautiful and was even nice enough to enjoy lunch outside with the girls from work! It reminded me of why I love this time of year so much. With fall swiftly approaching, I find myself in a place that I wasn't expecting to be. I should still be pregnant, right???

My due date was October 1st 2011.

I was surrounded by so many amazing ladies; all of which would be delivering around the same time as me. This was so exciting! Now, however, the reality of it all is kinda slapping me in the face. The reality that we didn't make it. I'm human. It hurts. As I sit here tonight though, I am reminded once again of how individualized God's plan is for each and everyone of us.

I find comfort in all the miracles which are about to occur in the weeks to come, and I couldn't be happier for all of my wonderful friends. It will be bittersweet, but I know that God is still looking out for me. I am so thankful for my friends and family who continue to pray for us. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, life never is, nor does it seem fair, but I am working through the "rough" days and so grateful for all the many good days and sweet memories we will always have of this experience with our boys.