This past Friday was the day that I had been anticipating for the last few weeks. Although it seemed as though the painful memories of June 17th were now months behind me, it was hard to grasp that it had only been 6 weeks. I honestly think not being able to recall some of the events and admitting to a little denial was indeed some sort of defense mechanism that carried me through the last 6 weeks like it was all a blur. However, now I was here...I was pulling up to my OBGYN's office by myself . A million thoughts ran through my head as I pulled in the parking lot to see that it was full except for the "Expectant Mother's Parking" which had one opening. I really wanted to drive away screaming because I knew that I wasn't one of those women..nope...not today. I thought well if I don't go then I don't have to face the fact that's it's a done deal and this pregnancy is extremely over, and I don't have to look at those other pregnant ladies who are in their "30-something" week of pregnancy like I should be too, but instead I am on my last day of my period!!!! What is up with that?!!!!
But, as I pulled my car into a nice shady spot, and I parked, I took a deep breath and began to relax....I could do this. I knew that what I was feeling had to be normal, but I wasn't going to let it get the best of me.. I had to move forward ,and I had to face this day .
I know that I have said this a million times but God has truly blessed Michael and me with an amazing doctor and staff. They took me right in and straight back to Dr. Joseph's office where he was sitting and waiting on me. You just can't walk into his office without a smile on your face because he lights up a room and I really needed that.
My appointment went extremely well, and even though we have closed the chapter on this pregnancy, I continue to think about my precious angels everyday. My life will be forever changed because of Sam and Charlie. No one will ever know what it was like knowing my sweet boys while they were alive except for me , and I am so thankful for that experience. I still cry for them and will for sometime, but as each day passes and life moves forward we move on as a family knowing that God has amazing things in store for us....because of our boys.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Happy 60th Pop-Pop!!!!
We had a wonderful time getting together over at the Kroger's house to celebrate Pop-Pop's 60th birthday! Jae cooked up an awesome pork tenderloin and we all had a blast playing Guitar Hero!!! It was fun spending time with family on a perfect summer evening!
Monday, July 18, 2011
July Birthdays!!!
July seems to be the big month for birthdays in our family, so we would like to send birthday wishes out to.......
Jamie
Conner
Kristy
Brett
Aniela
Pop-Pop
PaPa
Lauren
Grandma
Garrett
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! WE LOVE YOU!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Trying to Move Forward...
I continuously thank God for giving me the strength to get up and out of the bed in the mornings...
I often look at the calender and think to myself "Where did the last couple of weeks go?" It seems like such a blur now when I look back on all that has happened and try to wrap my head around everything. I try to remember all that has happened...all that I've experienced..all the things that I have said to people and things that have been said to me...
I still feel like I have some holes that are still there in my memory, but then again, maybe that is a good thing, and I should just let it go, and move forward.
I am so thankful for the remarkable physical healing that God has blessed me with. I think "looking" pregnant was the worst daily reminder of not coming home with my babies in the physical sense, and even though there is a slight scar, my pain and swelling has subsided very quickly. I still am getting tired by evening, but am trying to spend as much happy time with the family as I can. Keeping busy and surrounded by the ones you love keep you occupied :) We have been trying to spend a little more time at the pool, lake, and library before summer is over and signed Bryce up for soccer today!!
People often ask me how are you doing it? The only answer I can give is that I am at peace. I'm not saying that I don't cry everyday, because I do. I cry because I miss my babies and what they could have been, but I don't blame God or anyone. I don't blame myself . I have to share a passage from a devotional that my good friend Ashley sent to me that really spoke to me,
"Let me show you My way for you this day. I guide you continually, so you can rekax and enjoy My Prescence in the present. Living well is both a discipline and an art. Concentrate on staying close to Me, the divine Artist. Discipline your thoughts to trust me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything; then leave outcomes up to Me. do not fear My will, for through it, I will accomplish what is best for you. Take a deep breath and dive into the depths of absolute trust in Me. Underneath are the everlasting arms."
I once again hope that through my family's loss someone can find hope and peace in a situation that he or she might be going through. Sometimes it can be hard to put a smile on your face, but I do it for me, Michael and my four babies. It can be done. Thank you all again for all the prayers! Love, The Cantey's
I often look at the calender and think to myself "Where did the last couple of weeks go?" It seems like such a blur now when I look back on all that has happened and try to wrap my head around everything. I try to remember all that has happened...all that I've experienced..all the things that I have said to people and things that have been said to me...
I still feel like I have some holes that are still there in my memory, but then again, maybe that is a good thing, and I should just let it go, and move forward.
I am so thankful for the remarkable physical healing that God has blessed me with. I think "looking" pregnant was the worst daily reminder of not coming home with my babies in the physical sense, and even though there is a slight scar, my pain and swelling has subsided very quickly. I still am getting tired by evening, but am trying to spend as much happy time with the family as I can. Keeping busy and surrounded by the ones you love keep you occupied :) We have been trying to spend a little more time at the pool, lake, and library before summer is over and signed Bryce up for soccer today!!
People often ask me how are you doing it? The only answer I can give is that I am at peace. I'm not saying that I don't cry everyday, because I do. I cry because I miss my babies and what they could have been, but I don't blame God or anyone. I don't blame myself . I have to share a passage from a devotional that my good friend Ashley sent to me that really spoke to me,
"Let me show you My way for you this day. I guide you continually, so you can rekax and enjoy My Prescence in the present. Living well is both a discipline and an art. Concentrate on staying close to Me, the divine Artist. Discipline your thoughts to trust me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything; then leave outcomes up to Me. do not fear My will, for through it, I will accomplish what is best for you. Take a deep breath and dive into the depths of absolute trust in Me. Underneath are the everlasting arms."
I once again hope that through my family's loss someone can find hope and peace in a situation that he or she might be going through. Sometimes it can be hard to put a smile on your face, but I do it for me, Michael and my four babies. It can be done. Thank you all again for all the prayers! Love, The Cantey's
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About Me
- The Canteys
- I am married to my highschool sweetie and together we have two very active but very loving children, Gracie and Bryce. I work part time as a pediatric dental hygienist and am a fulltime cook, cleaner, and driver :) I love all my jobs and thank God everyday for getting me to where I am...