Saturday, January 21, 2012

A New Year....A New Start...

So, I have really neglected my blog for wasn't something I intended on doing. The last few months have been extremely busy , and now as we begin to settle down some, I am ready to catch back up and start fresh!
I will admit, that I battled bouts of depression over the last few months. Even as I would pray for strength. I still just couldn't stop thinking about "Where do I go from here?" I have had almost a since of being lost , not knowing exactly which path God wants me to take. During the holidays, I couldn't help but think about what our lives would have been like with the babies during Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I prayed really hard to redirect my thoughts on being grateful for what I DO have. I needed to clear my head and get out of this "funk". This can be hard when it feels as though life seems to be coming down hard on you. I heard a saying about loss and it made perfect sense to me; "Losing a loved one is like becoming an amputee, in time you heal, but you are never the same."
I had to accept that my life was going to be forever changed, and I had to make a decision on how to live it. I know that I will always think about my babies, but I had to decide to live with gratefulness and not continue to look back. Forward was the only way to go.
I still have a lot of anxiety about becoming pregnant again or if I even want to have another child. For some reason, I have felt so much pressure to decide right away as to what I needed to do. This is my own doings. Michael has been amazing in supporting me during this, and kept pleading with me to lift the pressure off of myself. This was hard to do. It has taken me some time to redirect my thoughts of talking to God and asking for strength to actually LISTENING to Him.
I had to do some soul searching over the last few months. I had been doing so great ,and once I hit a brick wall, I felt like I had failed once again. This was not okay with me. I had to change my outlook and allow myself some time ,and to be honest, give myself a break.
So here we are, a new year.... I can honestly say that I have really worked on listening more and taking each day one at a time. Trying to plan out your life according to your plans is just not the best idea...I should know this by now!!!! Listening to God is not easy, but I feel as though He has lead me into a new chapter of my life. I still have a lot more to work on, but moving forward is not going to be one of them.
My love for Michael and the kids grows stronger every day. My faith has been tested, but restored. I know that to see a rainbow, you must endure a little rain, and I can and will do this. This is going to be a great year!! For any woman who feels lost, I urge you to try to lift the pressure off yourself and take a moment to listen..

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Above all love each other deeply,
because love covers a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8

About Me

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I am married to my highschool sweetie and together we have two very active but very loving children, Gracie and Bryce. I work part time as a pediatric dental hygienist and am a fulltime cook, cleaner, and driver :) I love all my jobs and thank God everyday for getting me to where I am...