Monday, October 17, 2011

Crazy Happy Wonderful

October 17th

Our boys would have been 4 months old today....It's hard not to stop on the 17th of each month and take a minute just to think about what our lives would have been like if they were here with us. It would have been crazy for sure, but wonderful. I can't help but imagine what they would have looked like at four months old, would they be sleeping through the night? Would they still be in the same crib? I would have loved to have seen if their personalites would have matched their tempermant while I carried them. I then try to go about the day holding on to that amazing daydream that I think I will have for the rest of my life, and to be completely honest, it makes me smile to imagine them; smiling and happy and crazy and wonderful.

We had a photo shoot for our Christmas cards this weekend. It was very bittersweet not having our entire family in the picture, so we honored Sam and Charlie with teddy bears that belong to Gracie and Bryce. Michael and I made bracelets with each initial that we continue to wear. During the shoot, Michael asked me if I still get angry. I told him that I guess I would if there was someone to be mad at, but there isn't, and I have had to turn my anger into appreciation for the life we have and hopefulness for what is yet to come. I told Michael that for the first time in my life, I am completely content. This is huge for me being the "Type A"person I tend to be. It's no secret I would give anything to have all my babies with me, but I have prayed to be content with the choices God has made for our family and to accept them with the understanding that God is truly in control....not me.

With all that said, today is October 17th. My boys are 4 months old . They are smiling and happy and crazy and wonderful. They are in His arms.

1 comment:

  1. I love how strong all of you are. I'm so glad that you are honoring Sam and Charlie. Know that we will always love them and they will always be my sweet little "nephews" dancing in the clouds!!


Above all love each other deeply,
because love covers a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8

About Me

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I am married to my highschool sweetie and together we have two very active but very loving children, Gracie and Bryce. I work part time as a pediatric dental hygienist and am a fulltime cook, cleaner, and driver :) I love all my jobs and thank God everyday for getting me to where I am...